How do I establish a personal connection…
                        build on a personal connection…
deepen a personal connection?

There is a continual dance being played out throughout all relationships. The secret is to understand the intricacies of the dance and make sure it is the right dance for you.

When first meeting a potential friend, prospective client, or a desired love interest, it is best to recognize the primary focus or more importantly primary energy this new acquaintance is exhibiting. This way you will have the natural opening to get to know if this is a dance for you.

There are five personal energy types. I call these the SIPPE Perspectives. I have given them names and characters to make it easier and more fun to identify. Spiritual/Spree, Intellectual/Telly, Physical/Phoenix, Psychological /Psy, and Emotional/Ember. Let me introduce you to the five energies through examples.

Example: Let’s take Telly who is more interested in information, facts, or strategy. He is a type of person who likes to get from point A to point B. Tellys’ primary energy would most likely be the dance of ‘Intellectual’. To begin a conversation with him it would be beneficial to meet him on his level, which is intellectual.

Now Psys’ strongest personal energy is the dance of ‘Psychological’ which enjoys getting to know the intricacies of another. She likes connecting on a deeper level first. Yet, since Psy is meeting Telly who primarily comes from Intellectual energy, she will have to meet him on that level. Bringing factual, information is the best way in. Starting a conversation using sports analytics, business strategy, or current events can begin to create common ground.

Ember is the sensitive type. She is very aware of her feelings; it does not matter if it is business or personal. When she has created a business proposal, or she is first attracted to someone, she is overly excited and can hardly wait until the next meeting. She comes from the dance of ‘Emotional’ energy initially. She feels freedom when she can fully express herself from her passion. When Ember is stifled in her expression, she feels it. It is actually- painful.
Through expression everyone’s Emotional energy is in continual transformation. Emotion is the body’s way of deciphering energy. Is it flowing or is it stifled? Ember would know which one immediately.

Spree has just opened a new store. She is probably exhibiting the dance of ‘Spiritual’ energy which is from inspiration and imagination. Telly is meeting Spree, as a potential client. It would not be a wise idea for Telly to come in and immediately bring up the paper goods he must sell. The best advice is to genuinely meet Spree on her level. He should share his excitement for her vision and what she hopes to accomplish. By recognizing which energy Spree is exhibiting Telly can establish a natural opening for opportunity.

Let me show you several personal examples. Let us meet Jennifer, Stu, and Pedro

Let’s look at the ‘Natural Opening’

Example A: Jennifer

I first met Jennifer when she came to interview for a job. I was looking for a person who could answer phones during off business hours when my Learning Center was closed. Jennifer had three young children and wanted a part-time job she could do from home. She seemed to be very competent and excited to take on this opportunity. She ended up being the perfect person for the job. She was able to fill a ‘Physical’ need I had for maintaining the Center’s phone communication.

1. Natural Opening = Primary Energy -Physical / Phones

Example B: Stu

Stu came into my life by way of my Flirting seminar, but we connected when he started taking my dance classes as well as private lessons. So, Stu’s initial connection to me was ‘Physical’ energy through dance. Even though it was physical, like Jennifer’s, it manifested the energy in a totally different way.

1. Natural Opening =  Primary Energy – Physical  / Dance

Example C: Pedro

Pedro poked his head into one of my Swing dance classes and watched for a while. After class he came up to me and asked me if I knew I was directing energy at a high level when I was teaching fifty people in a room. The size of the room was 45×45… with no air-conditioning. I was intrigued. Pedro was someone that might see energy the way I do. We connected first on a ‘Spiritual’ level. We set up a lunch date for several days later.

1. Natural Opening / Primary Energy – Spiritual / Philosophy

For each of the examples, there was an initial energy that was recognized, therefore establishing a natural opening for opportunity. The next step is to explore the possibility of a shared common ground. This can create rapport with this person. This will allow you to experience a different energy.

Creating a ‘Rapport’ – the First Step to a Relationship

Let us go back to Spree the new store owner and Telly, the salesman. They have connected through the dance of ‘Spiritual’ energy. The next step is to explore the possibility of a common ground. One must activate a second energy, for example, Psychological energy. You do this by asking a question about a possible common ground, but before the person answers, give a tidbit, sharing information about yourself.

While they are beginning to answer the question, they will also take in the information you gave them. If there is a common ground, they usually do respond accordingly.

It turns out that Spree, the store owner went to the same high school and knew the same people as Telly the salesman.

When meeting a potential friend, the same criteria exists. Do you have a common ground where you can build rapport with this person? Mutual friends, interests, or experiences can be a common ground. Establishing a second energy ‘psychological’  between Spree and Telly, creates the first level of relationship. Let us take the three examples.

Example A: Jennifer

Jennifer was truly the perfect person for the phones. Even though she spent little time in the Center, she had the process and the classes down pat. She understood the strategy of how the business worked. She changed the registration process to work efficiently. We saw eye to eye on how the business could run effectively. Our common ground was through the Intellectual perspective.

1. Opening / Physical / Phones
2. Common ground / Intellectual / Business Strategy

Example B: Stu

As I got to know Stu through teaching him dance, we began to create a closer friendship. He was great to talk with while sharing thoughts about the flirting book I was writing. He was a great sounding board. When my writing was blocked, he would happen to call and have the perfect thing to say to get me going again. The natural opening into this relationship was Physical, but it began to blossom in the Psychological realm.

1. Opening / Physical / Dance
2. Common Ground / Psychological / Support

Example C: Pedro

Pedro and I had many lunches together discussing the Spiritual aspect of life. What I truly, loved about him, is he would play devil’s advocate with me throughout our conversations. Although I didn’t realize he was doing that at the time, it became apparent to me later. I worked hard sharing my perspective of spirit energy. I presented it in terms for him to understand, through pictures, graphics, anything to make it clear, not knowing he actually got it the moment I said it. We both enjoyed the interplay. The natural opening into this relationship was Spiritual and it expanded through the Intellectual.

1. Opening / Spiritual / Philosophy
2. Common Ground / Intellectual / Devil’s Advocate

Each of these three examples had a common ground where the relationship could grow to a point. Yet do they have the potential to be a long-lasting relationship?

By discovering a third energy you would be establishing a more personal common-ground. This creates camaraderie, a connection that will be remembered a year from now in the business world and on a personal level, a possibility for a budding long-lasting relationship.

Example A: Jennifer

One day I was having a meeting with all of my staff. The theme was customer service. Everyone was supposed to write down what they thought was important in the day-to-day workings of the Center and bring it to the meeting.

Believe it or not, I found an old-time stenographer to take the minutes of the meeting. I wanted every word to be documented.

I started the meeting having each person take their turn sharing their written notes. I was amazed; each person, if I was lucky, had a couple of sentences on their sheet of paper. Everyone seemed to be focusing on the paper shuffling logistics. Then it was Jennifer’s turn.

She proceeded to read a nine-page list of what was important. I was speechless! These nine pages could have come from my mouth. It was perfect! She truly got what it was to take care of the customer. Each page had the details of how to take care of the customer and the bottom line of how the customer should feel if it was done right.

I happen to glance over at the stenographer’s notes. She was like all the rest, taking only the physical details and totally disregarding the Psychological aspect.

Through this experience, I knew that Jennifer not only understood customer service but also appreciated what I was all about. In turn, I understood the value of Jennifer. This is where Jennifer and I connected through the third energy, Psychological.

1. Opening / Physical / Phones
2. Common ground / Intellectual / Business Strategy
3. Personal-Common ground / Psychological / Connection

Example B: Stu

As Stu and I got together to talk about the Flirting book we began to get into more philosophical questions. What is Love? Is there a God? This brought us into a more intimate relationship where we delved into our life beliefs, as well as sharing our Spiritual beliefs.

1. Opening / Physical / Dance
2. Common Ground / Psychological / Support
3. Personal- Common Ground / Spiritual / Beliefs

Notice how the development of each relationship is accomplished with a different combination of energies.

Example C: Pedro

Pedro and I spent more and more time together sharing our thoughts on life. We supported each other through our accomplishments and our failures. We learned from each other by challenging our perspectives in different situations. Our relationship grew into a great friendship by activating the Psychological energy.

1. Opening / Spiritual / Philosophy
2. Common Ground / Intellectual / Devil’s Advocate
3. Personal Common ground / Psychological / Support

Many business and personal relationships last a lifetime with just three energies. Yet, if you continue and bring in the fourth energy it is an immensely powerful friendship.

How do we bring the level of relationship into a more powerful and fulfilling friendship? We activate the fourth energy.

On a business level once you have activated the fourth energy within the relationship, each of you will automatically connect to each other’s inner circle of friends. If a situation comes up where you might be the perfect person to forward another’s’ efforts, you will not hesitate to share that information. You would be pleased to do so.

We activate the fourth energy by first, sharing enjoyable experiences outside the arena in which we first met. Secondly, we share information we would normally not divulge to most people, challenging each other’s best potential. It evolves past the commonality or convenience, into a committed friendship supporting each other through the good and the bad.

Example A: Jennifer

Jennifer and I spent a lot of time talking about the vision of the Center. We began to share the Spiritual aspect of the Center and that led to sharing our own beliefs and vision for ourselves. I was able to help her awaken a spiritual piece in her that had been closed when she was a child. This allowed us to share on a Spiritual level, which I had not had the pleasure with another female. Our friendship deepened because of these experiences.

1. Opening / Physical / Phones
2. Common ground / Intellectual / Business Strategy
3. Personal-Common Ground / Psychological / Connection
4. Sharing / Spiritual / Vision and Beliefs

Example B: Stu

Stu and I began to share the possibility of working together. His insights into the corporate world were a great eye-opener for me. Stu became my business partner when I was presenting seminars on The Art & Science of Flirting across the country.

1. Opening / Physical / Dance
2. Common Ground / Psychological / Support
3. Personal- Common Ground / Spiritual / Beliefs
4. Sharing / Intellectual / Business partner

Example C: Pedro

Pedro and I shared our knowledge and our life experiences. We helped each other see where we had been, and where we could go. We understood each other, so therefore our energy could move fluidly without friction. We fostered an Emotional connection.
Emotion is the body’s way of deciphering energy. When we can fully express our feelings, it is euphoric. When we are stifled in our expression, it is painful. Through expression, our Emotional energy is in continual transformation

1. Opening / Spiritual / Philosophy
2. Common Ground / Intellectual / Devil’s Advocate
3. Personal Common ground / Psychological / Support
4. Sharing / Emotional / Fluidity

Any one relationship that has four active energies is quite special. If one can have all five, this is an amazing relationship.

What is the fifth level? If both parties have a connection deep enough to bring in a 5th energy, this will create a partnering of sorts. This is mutual support in your personal and business arena. This is an ultimate relationship.

Example A: Jennifer

I loved the relationship I had with Jennifer. Our friendship was basically through phone conversations. We could switch from any of the energies in any one conversation and follow it. We were openly vulnerable about our insecurities and our beliefs. It was a great friendship with the added plus for being able to talk business or personal in the same conversation. We were both in each other’s corner rooting for the other person. We could be totally ourselves as we continued to change and grow as human beings.

1. Opening / Physical / Phones
2. Common ground / Intellectual / Business Strategy
3. Personal-Common Ground / Psychological / Connection
4. Sharing / Spiritual / Vision and Beliefs
5. Partnering / Emotional / Being there

Example B: Stu

As time passed within my relationship with Stu, it went from friendship and evolved into love. We shared the beautiful world of dance, performing, teaching and competition. We worked side by side in business, creating teaching videos to traveling around the country presenting seminars. We shared our doubts and our dreams. We created an emotional foundation that allowed us the freedom to fly in whatever direction we chose.

1. Opening / Physical / Dance
2. Common Ground / Psychological / Support
3. Personal- Common Ground / Spiritual / Beliefs
4. Sharing. / Intellectual / Business partner
5. Partnering / Emotional / Foundation

Example C: Pedro

Pedro and I shared a thirst for knowledge. I had the dance, and he had the Martial Arts. I had the emotional experiences, and he had the book experiences. Be it Philosophy, Spiritual, Science, or History we loved sharing it. I tended to jump in and experience things first-hand and he objectively took in information. We were on our own quest, but we shared the journey.

1. Opening / Spiritual / Philosophy
2. Common Ground / Intellectual / Devil’s Advocate
3. Personal Common ground / Psychological / Support
4. Sharing / Emotional / Fluidity
5. Partnering / Physical / The quest

Manifest a fifth energy and you will create a transformational experience that is life-changing. All relationships have many dances in them. It is the ebb and flow of a relationship that makes it unique to you. We just need to know which dance is the perfect one for the situation at any given moment.

Creating strong genuine relationships with others is the foremost important joy of the human connection. I am sure you have heard “Build it and they will come”. Build a strong relationship and abundance will follow.

Hopefully, you have a little better understanding on how a relationship develops using the five energies. But how do we put ourselves in a position to initially meet others? There are so many wonderful people just waiting to meet the right person in their life. If you are playing the waiting game, expecting the love of your life or the perfect business deal to come knocking on your door, forget it, 99.9% it is not going to happen. You must put yourself out there and dance!