THE ART & SCIENCE OF FLIRTING
How do I break the ice?
How can I start up a conversation with a complete stranger?
What are the perfect lines?
First, before a word is spoken, smile from your heart. Your potential soulmate’s wall will begin tumbling down. Secondly, there are no perfect lines. But there are icebreakers. Starting a conversation is the most difficult part of connecting with a potential soulmate. Using the same set of lines with everyone rarely works. Yet, there is a formula I have created that I teach in my seminar ‘The Art & Science of Flirting.’
This formula creates the opportunity to start up a conversation with a complete stranger. Anyone can continue or disengage from the conversation in an unthreatening way for both parties. It is the ideal way for you to put yourself out there without worrying about being rejected. I have created a story using parts of my past TV interviews to share this important information with you.
In this story I break down the formula for you so you can immediately start practicing it with any one you meet. So, when the love of your life shows up you will not find yourself tongue-tied. You will know exactly how to approach the potential love of your life.
I will be using one of my SIPPE team members Psylena. She will be filling in as my Psychological perspective. The interviewer is a combined example of many interviewers I have experienced on TV and radio.
After you have an understanding of the formula my other SIPPE team members will have some fun with the generalizations of what many people believe flirting is all about. Enjoy!
Its five o’clock in the morning and the dew is still on the grass. Psylena walks down the street looking for a taxi. She stops for a moment to smell the brisk, yet fresh air while listening to the birds chirping their morning wakeup calls. Psylena has until five thirty to get to the CBS studio to be on the morning show. It’s only a week away from Valentine’s Day and the T.V. stations are exploring the possibilities of love in the air.
It’s either spring in the air, wedding season, the Christmas holidays, Valentine’s Day, or just another simple excuse to break open the box of potential love tips to heighten the hopes and dreams of the TV listeners.
Psylena (Psychological) is once again off and running, presenting the basic formula, from her seminar “The Art & Science of Flirting”. The morning anchor Margo, begins with a general question.
Margo – Why does the world need flirting seminars?
Psylena – I believe many have lost the ancient art that teaches us how to pay a special kind of attention to another person. We have developed guards and defenses to protect us from the unknown. This makes it very difficult for our heart to be touched by another. We need to polish our basic communication skills so others can feel comfortable enough to let down their guard allowing their feminine or masculine to be seen.
Margo – Being that you are known as the expert on flirting can you answer some questions of our TV viewers?
Psylena – Ask away…
Margo – We received several emails and texts with these similar questions: How do I break the ice? How can I start up a conversation with a complete stranger? What are the perfect lines?
What do you say to these questions?
Psylena – First, before a word is spoken smile from your heart. Secondly, there are no perfect lines. But there are icebreakers.
Margo – Please share with us.
Psylena -Starting a conversation is the most difficult part of flirting. Using the same set of lines with everyone rarely works. You must consider the specific surroundings. Look for something you have in common. I call it the ‘commonground’.
– if you know people at a party/ C = person you know
– or you meet this person in an elevator of a residential building/ C = the residential building
– or at a tennis club / C= the club
-You are in the same bar./ C = the bar
-You are walking down Michigan Avenue in Chicago
Margo – You really think it is easy to start up a conversation with someone on the street?
Psylena – Absolutely, if the bar or Michigan Avenue is the only commonground you have, you need to work with the situations at hand. The commonground is usually just an opener. Once you have established it you are ready for the approach.
Margo – What is the best thing to say?
Psylena – Lets use the Michigan Ave commonground.
The most important thing to remember is that when you say your opening line, you want a response. To be sure of a response, ‘ask a question’ about the commonground. It doesn’t need to be clever. Keep it simple.
Commonground: Michigan Ave
Question: Excuse me, could you tell me how to get to Ohio and State?
Most courteous people will give you an answer in return. And in order to respond to a question, a person has to drop his or her wall –at least a bit.
Margo – Once they answer the question isn’t that the end of the conversation?
Psylena – Yes, it probably would be if you didn’t add the ‘tidbit’.
Margo– Tell our viewers what this tidbit is.
Psylena – The tidbit is a bit of information about yourself. It has to be genuine, otherwise the conversation will end quickly because there is no foundation to build on. For instance: I was just transferred downtown and I don’t know the area. (This is if you were actually transferred downtown.)
A. Commonground: Michigan Ave.
B. Question: Excuse me, could you tell me how to get to Ohio and State?
C. Tidbit: I was just transferred downtown and I don’t know the area.
A. Commonground: You are at a party.
B. Question: Are you a friend of Psylena, the Hostess?
C. Tidbit: I was her roommate for the first two years in college.
This allows the other person to continue the discussion using the information you gave them. It introduces the possibility of a more ‘personal commonground’, a more interesting topic. For example, two people at a party can use the formula to open a conversation. Within a few minutes, they might find that they both are gourmet cooks, work in sales, or love tennis.
Margo – It seems simple enough.
Psylena – There is the added plus, when giving information about yourself, a person then knows something about you, and you seem less like a stranger. So in turn, the other person relaxes, opens up, and shares something too. The information you give is not your life story; it’s a fragment or a tidbit.
However, do not give the person a chance to answer the question before you reveal something about yourself with the tidbit. If there is no tidbit they answer the question and then close down, going about their business. Yet, if they have the tidbit information they will be processing it as they answer the question. This allowing them time to decide if and how they would like to continue on the conversation.
Margo – How easy is this to follow when you are really attracted to someone?
Psylena – This is why I tell my students to practice the formula with every person they meet, potential friendships, business associates, anyone you have not met before. You will not only be comfortable meeting new people, but when the love of your life shows up you won’t freeze in your tracks. It will already be a habit. You won’t be able to stop yourself.
Margo – Sounds full proof!
Psylena – It is an easy formula, a quick way to start a conversation. . It gives you just about everything you need to decide if you want to continue talking. Either party is free to end the conversation. The risk is minimal. In both cases, it has broken down the defensive wall.
These same techniques can be used to strike up conversations in most any scenarios. That’s the beauty of using the formula; it can be a beginning of any type of relationship.
Margo – Well, there you have it. This has been an enlightening conversation. Wrapping up our segment Psylena, would you run through the points once more for our interested viewers?
Psylena – The “Icebreaker” is C + Q + T
You must find a commonground, ask a question, and give a tidbit about yourself.
1. Recognizing a Commonground
2. Engaging in conversation by asking a Question. (Based on the commonground)
3. Lower ones defensive wall by sharing a Tidbit about oneself. (This allows the other person to have something to add to the conversation after answering the question.)
4. Continue the conversation,
5. Create the opportunity to find a more ‘personal commonground’. (the reason to see each other again.)
The best thing about the C + Q + T formula is that it works!
Within this article I will be introducing you to my SIPPE Team through their conversations. Their names are Spree, Tellie, Phebe, Psylena and Emmie. They are different perspectives of myself. ( It makes it a little more colorful.)
Emmie (Emotional) – Hey Psylena, how did the interview go this morning?
Psylena (Psychological) – Yes, It is fun when someone comes from a different point of view than I do. When I don’t agree it is a challenge to find a way of adding my perspective without down playing or disregarding what the other person said. That’s what makes it interesting.
You entice someone to make him uncontrollably sway your way.
Emmie (Emotional) – Psylena, She’s only kidding. Actually I wouldn’t mind a little bit of that kind of flirting.
Emmie (Emotional) – I need the romance. Though, I also need to be silly and just have fun sometimes.
Emmie (Emotional) – Oh yes, I remember. As I was driving to Karen’s wedding shower I was already trying to create a good reason why I would have to leave early. I was deciding on what type of ailment I could come up with. I knew there would be about thirty-five people at the luncheon and the only person I knew was Karen the bride.
I pulled into the hotel parking lot, made it to the front desk for directions and found the right elevator. My stomach was in knots. I felt awkward and out of place. I didn’t enjoy being in a crowded room with strangers. I don’t have a problem when I am in a class; I just play the role I am responsible for. I get caught up in my purpose and I feel fine. This was different.
All of a sudden, as the elevator door opened it hit me. I could use the formula! –commonground, ask a question, give a tidbit. I walked into the room of thirty-five women and started off with my trusty formula in hand.
Four hours later I was not one of the first to leave but last to leave. I had fantastic conversations all throughout the afternoon. It turns out two of the women went to the same high school I did. Two others were in my dance classes over ten years ago. I met a bunch of great people.
The formula was not only my safety-net but also a doorway to meeting so many great people.
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