How Do I Break the Ice?

How do I break the ice?

How can I start up a conversation with a complete stranger? What are the perfect lines?

Wouldn’t it be great if we all knew how to find our soulmate, be able to strike up a conversation with our soulmate, and actually create a relationship with our soulmate?

First, before a word is spoken, smile from your heart. Your potential soulmate’s wall will begin tumbling down.  Secondly, there are no perfect lines. But there are icebreakers. Starting a conversation is the most difficult part of connecting with a potential soulmate. Using the same set of lines with everyone rarely works.

You must consider the specific environment.  Look for something you have in common. To start a relationship with anyone, let alone a soulmate you must have something in common.   I call this the commonground.  For example: The people you know at a party you are attending…or you see your potential soulmate in an elevator of a residential building, tennis club or at a local bar,  or possibly your potential soulmate is walking down Michigan Avenue in Chicago.

Do you really think it is easy to start up a conversation with someone on the street, especially a future soulmate?  Absolutely, if the bar or Michigan Avenue is the only commonground you have, you need to work with the situation at hand.  You want to meet your soulmate, don’t you?  The commonground is usually just an opener. Once you have established it you are ready for the approach.

What is the best thing to say to your future soulmate? Lets use the Michigan Ave commonground.

The most important thing to remember is that when you say your opening line, you want a response.  To be sure of a response, ask a question about the commonground. It doesn’t need to be clever. Keep it simple.

Question: Excuse me, could you tell me how to get to Ohio and State?

Most courteous people will give you an answer in return.  And in order to respond to a question, a person has to drop his or her wall –at least a bit.  And if they are not willing to drop their defense just a little, they are not a soulmate you would care to have a relationship with.

But once they answer the question isn’t that the end of the conversation?

Yes, it probably would be if you didn’t add the tidbit.

What is this tidbit?

The tidbit is a bit of information about yourself.  It has to be genuine, otherwise the conversation will end quickly because there is no foundation to build on. For instance: I was just transferred downtown and I don’t know the area. (This is if you were actually transferred downtown.)

A. Commonground: Michigan Ave.

B. Question: Excuse me, could you tell me how to get to Ohio and State?

C. Tidbit: I was just transferred downtown and I don’t know the area.


Commonground: You are at a party.

Are you a friend of Psylena, the Hostess? I was her roommate for the first two years in college. (Q & T)

This allows the other person to continue the discussion using the information you gave them. It introduces the possibility of a more personal commonground, a more interesting topic. For example, two people at a party can use the formula to open a conversation. Within a few minutes, they might find they both are gourmet cooks, work in sales, or love tennis.

There is the added plus when giving information about yourself.  A person then knows something about you, and you seem less like a stranger.  So in turn, the other person relaxes, opens up, and shares something too. The information you give is not your life story; it’s a fragment or a tidbit.

However, do not give the person a chance to answer the question before you reveal something about yourself with the tidbit. If there is no tidbit they answer the question and then close down, going about their business. Yet, if they have the tidbit information they will be processing it as they answer the question. Thus, allowing them time to decide if and how they would like to continue on the conversation.

How easy is this to follow when you are really attracted to someone and you think they could be your soul mate?

This is why I tell my students to practice the formula with every person they meet, potential friendships, business associates, anyone you have not met before. You will not only be comfortable meeting new people, but when the love of your life shows up you won’t freeze in your tracks. It will already be a habit. You won’t be able to stop yourself.

It is an easy formula, a quick way to start a conversation. . It gives you just about everything you need to decide if you want to continue talking. Either party is free to end the conversation.  The risk is minimal.  In both cases, it has broken down the defensive wall.

These same techniques can be used to strike up conversations in most any scenarios. That’s the beauty of using the formula; it can be a beginning of any type of relationship.

The “Icebreaker” is C + Q + T

You must find a commonground, ask a question, and give a tidbit about yourself.

1. Recognizing a Commonground

2. Engaging in conversation by asking a Question. (Based on the common ground)

3. Lowering ones defensive wall by sharing a Tidbit about oneself. (This allows the other person to have something to add to the conversation after answering the question.)

4. Continuing the conversation,

a. Creating the opportunity to find a more personal common ground. (the reason to see each other again.)

The best thing about the C + Q + T formula is that it works.  You are on your way to finding your soulmate!

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