Tag Archives: Soul Mate

Energy & Relationships

Energy & Relationships

How do I establish a personal connection…
                        build on a personal connection…
deepen a personal connection?

Soul MateWhen first meeting a potential friend, prospective client, or a desired love interest,  it is best to recognize the primary personality type or more importantly primary energy this new acquaintance is exhibiting. This way you will have the natural opening to get to know them.

There are five possible personal energy types.  I call these five primary energies or personality types Spiritual, Intellectual, Physical, Psychological and Emotional. I have given them names and chararters to make it easier and more fun to identify.  Let’s see how a person who engages primarily on an psychological basis can fares with a person who relates primarily on a Psychological basis.

Tellie / Intellectual

Example: Let’s take Tellie who is more interested in information, facts or strategy, he is a type of person who likes to get from point A to point B. Tellie’s primary energy would most likely be ‘Intellectual’. To begin a conversation with him it would be beneficial to meet him on his level, which is intellectual.

 

 

Psylena / Psychological

Now Psylena’s strongest personal energy is ‘Psychological’ which enjoys getting to know the intricacies of another. She likes connecting on a deeper level first. Yet, since Psylena is meeting Tellie who primarily comes from Intellectual energy she will have to meet him on that level. Bringing factual information is the best way in. Starting a conversation using sports, or a common ground, possibly the place where you are or a mutual acquaintance would be good.

 

 

Emmie / Emotional

Emmie is the sensitive type.  She is very aware of her feelings.  If it is business or personal, it doesn’t matter.  When she has created a business proposal or she is first attracted to someone she is very excited and can hardly wait until the next meeting.  She comes from ‘Emotional’ energy initially.  She feels a freedom when she is allowed to fully express her self from her passion.  When Emmie is stifled in her expression, she feels it.  It is actually painful.

Through expression everyone’s Emotional energy is in continual transformation.  Emotion is the body’s way of deciphering energy.  Is it flowing or is it stifled?  Emmie would know which one immediately.

 

Spree / Spiritual

Spree has just opened a new store.  She is probably exhibiting ‘Spiritual’ energy which is inspirational and imagination.  Tellie is meeting  Spree, as a potential client.  It would not be a wise idea for Tellie to come in and immediately bring up the paper goods he has to sell. The best advice is to genuinely meet Spree on her level.   He should share his excitement for her vision and what she hopes to accomplish.  By recognizing which energy Spree is exhibiting Tellie is able to establish a natural opening for opportunity.

Let me show you several personal examples.  Let’s meet Jennifer, Stu and Pedro

Let’s look at the ‘Natural Opening’

Example A: Jennifer

Phebe / Physical

I first met Jennifer when she came to interview for a job. I was looking for a person who could answer phones off business hours when my Learning Center was closed.   I needed someone I could forward the phones to.  Jennifer had three young children at home. She wanted a part time job she could do from home. She seemed to be very competent and excited to do this. She ended up being the perfect person for the job. She was able to fill a ‘Physical’ need I had for maintaining the Center’s phone communication.

1. Natural Opening  =  Primary Energy -Physical / Phones

 

Example B: Stu

Phebe / Physical

Stu came into my life by way of my Flirting seminar but we connected when he started taking my dance classes as well as private lessons. So, Stu’s initial connection to me was ‘Physical’ energy through dance. Even though it was physical, like Jennifer’s it manifested the energy in a totally different way.

1. Natural Opening =  Primary Energy – Physical  / Dance

 

Example C: Pedro

Spree / Spiritual

Pedro poked his head into one of my Swing dance classes and watched for a while. After class he came up to me and asked me if I knew I was directing energy at a high level when I was teaching fifty people in a room.  The size of the room was 45×45… with no air-conditioning. I was intrigued, here is someone that might see energy the way I did. We connected first on a ‘Spiritual’ level. We set up a lunch date for several days later.

1. Natural Opening / Primary Energy – Spiritual / Philosophy

For each of the examples there was an initial energy that was recognized, therefore establishing a natural opening for opportunity. The next step is to explore the possibility of a shared common ground. This can create rapport with this person. This will take you into another energy force.

Creating a ‘Rapport’, the first step to a relationship.

Let’s go back to Spree the new store owner and Tellie, the salesman. They have connected by using Spiritual energy. The next step is to explore the possibility of a common ground. One must activate a second energy for example, Psychological energy. You do this by asking a question about a common ground but before the person answers, give a tidbit, sharing information about yourself.

While they are beginning to answer the question they will also take in the information you gave them. If there is a common ground they usually do respond accordingly.

It turns out that Spree, the store owner went to the same high school and knew the same people as Tellie the salesman.

When meeting a potential friend the same criteria exist. Do you have a common ground where you can build rapport with this person? Mutual friends, interests, or experiences can be a common ground.  Establishing a second energy  psychological with this person creates the first level of relationship. Let’s take the three examples.

Example A: Jennifer

Jennifer was truly the perfect person for the phones. Even though she was in the Center very little, she had the process and the classes down pat. She understood the strategy of how the business worked. She changed the registration process to work efficiently. We saw eye to eye on how the business could run efficiently. Our common ground was through the Intellectual perspective.

1. Opening / Physical/ Phones

2. Common ground / Intellectual/ Business Strategy

 

Example B: Stu

As I got to know Stu through teaching him dance we began to create a closer friendship. He was great to talk with.  We would spend time sharing thoughts about the flirting book I was writing.  He was a great sounding board.  When my writing was blocked he would happen to call and have the perfect thing to say to get me going again.  The natural opening into this relationship was Physical but it began to blossom in the Psychological realm.

1. Opening / Physical / Dance

2. Common Ground / Psychological / Support

 

Example C: Pedro

Pedro and I had many lunches together discussing the Spiritual aspect of life. What I truly loved about him is he would play devil’s advocate with me, all though, I didn’t realize it at the time.  So, I would break it down in terms he might understand with pictures, graphics, anything for him to get it.  He analyzed every thought.  We both enjoyed the interplay.  The natural opening into this relationship was Spiritual and it expanded through the Intellectual.

1. Opening / Spiritual / Philosophy

2. Common Ground / Intellectual / Devil’s Advocate

 

Each of the examples had a common ground where the relationship could grow to a point. Yet do they have the potential to be a long lasting relationship?

By discovering a third energy you would be establishing a more personal-common ground. This creates camaraderie, a connection that will be remembered a year from now in the business world and on a personal level, a possibility for a budding long lasting relationship.

Example A: Jennifer

One day I was having a meeting with all of my staff.  The theme was customer service. Everyone was supposed to write down what they thought was important in the day to day workings of the Center and bring it to the meeting.

I actually found an old time stenographer to take the minutes of the meeting. I wanted every word to be documented.

I started the meeting having each person take their turn sharing their written notes.  I was amazed; each person, if I was lucky, had a couple of sentences on their sheet of paper. Everyone seemed to be focusing on the paper shuffling logistics.  Then it was Jennifer’s turn.

She proceeded to read a nine page list of what was important.  I was speechless!  These nine pages could have come from my mouth. It was perfect!  She truly got what it was to take care of the customer.  Each page had the details of how to take care of the customer and the bottom line of how the customer should feel if it was done right.

I happen to glance over at the stenographer’s notes. She was like all the rest, taking only the physical details and totally disregarding the Psychological aspect.

Through this experience I knew that Jennifer not only understood customer service but also appreciated what I was all about. In turn, I understood the value of Jennifer.  This is where Jennifer and I connected through the third energy, Psychological.

1. Opening / Physical / Phones

2. Common ground / Intellectual / Business Strategy

3. Personal-Common ground / Psychological / Connection

 

Example B: Stu

As Stu and I got together to talk about the Flirting book we began to get into more philosophical questions.  What is Love?  Is there a God?  This brought us into a more intimate relationship where we delved into our life beliefs, as well as sharing our Spiritual beliefs.

1. Opening / Physical / Dance

2. Common Ground / Psychological / Support

3. Personal- Common Ground / Spiritual / Beliefs

 

Notice how the development of each relationship is accomplished with a different combination of energies.

Example C: Pedro

Pedro and I spent more and more time together sharing our thoughts on life.  We supported each of our accomplishments and our failures.  We learned from each other by challanging our perspectives on different situations.  Our relationship grew into a great friendship by activating the Psychological energy.

1. Opening / Spiritual / Philosophy

2. Common Ground / Intellectual / Devil’s Advocate

3. Personal Common ground / Psychological / Support

 

Many business and personal relationships last a lifetime with just three energies. Yet, if you continue and bring in the fourth energy it is a very powerful friendship.

How do we bring the level of relationship into a more powerful and fulfilling friendship? We activate the fourth energy.

On a business level once you have activated the fourth energy within the relationship, each of you will automatically connect to each others inner circle of friends.  If a situation comes up where you might be the perfect person to forward another’s endeavors one would not hesitate to share that information. They would actually be pleased to do so.

We activate the fourth energy by first, sharing enjoyable experiences outside the arena in which we first met. Secondly, we share information we would normally not divulge to most people challenging each other’s best potential. It evolves past the commonality or convenience, into a committed friendship supporting each other through the good and the bad.

Example A: Jennifer

Jennifer and I spent a lot of time talking about the vision of the Center. We began to share the Spiritual aspect of the Center and that led to sharing our own beliefs and vision for ourselves. I was able to help her awaken a spiritual piece in her that had been closed when she was a child. This allowed us to share on a Spiritual level which I had not had the pleasure with another female. Our friendship deepened because of these experiences.

1. Opening / Physical / Phones

2. Common ground / Intellectual / Business Strategy

3. Personal-Common Ground / Psychological / Connection

4. Sharing / Spiritual / Vision & Beliefs

 

Example B: Stu

Stu and I began to share the possibility of working together. His insights into the corporate world were a great eye opener for me. Stu became my business partner when I was presenting seminars on The Art & Science of Flirting across the country.

1. Opening / Physical / Dance

2. Common Ground / Psychological / Support

3. Personal- Common Ground / Spiritual / Beliefs

4. Sharing. / Intellectual / Business partner

Example C: Pedro

Pedro and I shared our knowledge and our life experiences. We helped each other see where we had been and we could go from here. We understood each other, so therefore our energy could move fluidly without friction.  We fostered an Emotional connection.

Emotion is the body’s way of deciphering energy.  When we are allowed to fully express, it is euphoric.  When we are stifled in our expression, it is painful.  Through expression our Emotional energy is in continual transformation

1. Opening / Spiritual / Philosophy

2. Common Ground / Intellectual / Devil’s Advocate

3. Personal Common ground / Psychological / Support

4. Sharing / Emotional / Fluidity

 

Any one relationship that has four active energies is quite special. If one can have all five, this is an amazing relationship.

What is the fifth level?  If both parties have a connection deep enough to bring in a 5th energy, this will create a partnering of sorts. This is a mutual support in your personal and business arena. This is an ultimate relationship.

 

Example A: Jennifer

I loved the relationship I had with Jennifer.  Our friendship was basically through phone conversations.  We could switch from any of the energies in any one conversation and follow it.  We were openly vulnerable about our insecurities and our beliefs. It was a great friendship with the added plus for being able to talk business or personal in the same conversation. We were both in each other’s corner rooting for the other person. We could be totally ourselves as we continued to change and grow as human beings.

1. Opening / Physical / Phones

2. Common ground / Intellectual / Business Strategy

3. Personal-Common Ground / Psychological / Connection

4. Sharing / Spiritual / Vision & Beliefs

5. Partnering / Emotional / Being there

 

Example B: Stu

As time passed within my relationship with Stu, it went from friendship and evolved into love. We shared the beautiful world of dance, performing, teaching and competition. We worked side by side in business, creating teaching videos to traveling around the country presenting seminars. We shared our doubts and our dreams. We created an emotional foundation that allowed us the freedom to fly in whatever direction we chose.

1. Opening / Physical / Dance

2. Common Ground / Psychological / Support

3. Personal- Common Ground / Spiritual / Beliefs

4. Sharing. / Intellectual / Business partner

5. Partnering / Emotional / Foundation

 

Example C: Pedro

Pedro and I shared a thirst for knowledge. I had the dance and he had the Martial Arts. I had the emotional experiences and he had the book experiences. Be it Philosophy, Spiritual, Science or History we loved sharing it. I tended to jump in and experience things first hand and he objectively took in information. We were on our own quest but we shared the journey.

1. Opening / Spiritual / Philosophy

2. Common Ground / Intellectual / Devil’s Advocate

3. Personal Common ground / Psychological / Support

4. Sharing / Emotional / Fluidity

5. Partnering / Physical / The quest

 

Manifest a fifth energy and you will create a transformational experience which is life changing.

Creating strong genuine relationships with others is the foremost important joy of the human connection.  I am sure you have heard “Build it and they will come”. Build a strong relationship and abundance will follow.

Hopefully, you have a little better understanding on how a relationship develops using the five energies. But how do we put ourselves in a position to initially meet others? There are so many wonderful people just waiting to meet the right person in their life. If you are playing the waiting game, expecting the love of your life or the perfect business deal to come knocking on your door, forget it, 99.9% it is not going to happen. You have to put yourself out there.

What makes a Relationship Work?

 

The Art and Science of Flirting

 THE ART & SCIENCE OF FLIRTING

How do I break the ice?
How can I start up a conversation with a complete stranger?

What are the perfect lines?

Wouldn’t it be great if we all knew how to find our soulmate, be able to strike up Potential Soul Matea conversation with our soulmate, and actually create a relationship with our soulmate?

First, before a word is spoken, smile from your heart. Your potential soulmate’s wall will begin tumbling down.  Secondly, there are no perfect lines. But there are icebreakers.  Starting a conversation is the most difficult part of connecting with a potential soulmate. Using the same set of lines with everyone rarely works.  Yet, there is a formula I have created that I teach in my seminar ‘The Art & Science of Flirting.’

This formula creates the opportunity to start up a conversation with a complete stranger.  Anyone can continue or disengage from the conversation in an unthreatening way for both parties.  It is the ideal way for you to put yourself out there without worrying about being rejected.  I have created a  story using parts of my past TV interviews to share this important information with you.

In this story I break down the formula for you so you can immediately start practicing it with any one you meet.  So, when the love of your life shows up you will not find yourself tongue-tied.  You will know exactly how to approach the potential love of your life.

I will be using one of my SIPPE team members Psylena.  She will be filling in as my Psychological perspective.  The interviewer is a combined example of many interviewers I have experienced on TV and radio.

After you have an understanding of the formula my other SIPPE team members will have some fun with the generalizations of what many people believe flirting is all about.  Enjoy!

Its five o’clock in the morning and the dew is still on the grass. Psylena walks down the street looking for a taxi. She stops for a moment to smell the brisk, yet fresh air while listening to the birds chirping their morning wakeup calls. Psylena has until five thirty to get to the CBS studio to be on the morning show. It’s only a week away from Valentine’s Day and the T.V. stations are exploring the possibilities of love in the air.

It’s either spring in the air, wedding season, the Christmas holidays, Valentine’s Day, or just another simple excuse to break open the box of potential love tips to heighten the hopes and dreams of the TV listeners.

Psylena (Psychological) is once again off and running, presenting the basic formula, from her seminar “The Art & Science of Flirting”. The morning anchor Margo, begins with a general question.

Margo – Why does the world need flirting seminars?

Psylena – I believe many have lost the ancient art that teaches us how to pay a special kind of attention to another person. We have developed guards and defenses to protect us from the unknown. This makes it very difficult for our heart to be touched by another. We need to polish our basic communication skills so others can feel comfortable enough to let down their guard allowing their feminine or masculine to be seen.

Margo – Being that you are known as the expert on flirting can you answer some questions of our TV viewers?

Psylena – Ask away…

Margo – We received several emails and texts with these similar questions: How do I break the ice? How can I start up a conversation with a complete stranger? What are the perfect lines?

What do you say to these questions?

Psylena – First, before a word is spoken smile from your heart. Secondly, there are no perfect lines. But there are icebreakers.

Margo – Please share with us.

Psylena -Starting a conversation is the most difficult part of flirting. Using the same set of lines with everyone rarely works. You must consider the specific surroundings.  Look for something you have in common. I call it the ‘commonground’.

For example:
– if you know people at a party/ C =  person you know
– or you meet this person in an elevator of a residential building/ C = the residential building
– or at a tennis club / C= the club
-You are in the same bar./ C = the bar
-You are walking down Michigan Avenue in Chicago

Margo – You really think it is easy to start up a conversation with someone on the street?

Psylena – Absolutely, if the bar or Michigan Avenue is the only commonground you have, you need to work with the situations at hand. The commonground is usually just an opener. Once you have established it you are ready for the approach.

Margo – What is the best thing to say?

Psylena – Lets use the Michigan Ave commonground.

The most important thing to remember is that when you say your opening line, you want a response. To be sure of a response, ‘ask a question’ about the commonground. It doesn’t need to be clever. Keep it simple.

Commonground: Michigan Ave

Question: Excuse me, could you tell me how to get to Ohio and State?

Most courteous people will give you an answer in return. And in order to respond to a question, a person has to drop his or her wall –at least a bit.

Margo – Once they answer the question isn’t that the end of the conversation?

Psylena – Yes, it probably would be if you didn’t add the ‘tidbit’.

Margo– Tell our viewers what this tidbit is.

Psylena – The tidbit is a bit of information about yourself. It has to be genuine, otherwise the conversation will end quickly because there is no foundation to build on. For instance: I was just transferred downtown and I don’t know the area. (This is if you were actually transferred downtown.)

A. Commonground: Michigan Ave.

B. Question: Excuse me, could you tell me how to get to Ohio and State?

C. Tidbit: I was just transferred downtown and I don’t know the area.

OR

A. Commonground: You are at a party.

B. Question: Are you a friend of Psylena, the Hostess?

C. Tidbit: I was her roommate for the first two years in college.

This allows the other person to continue the discussion using the information you gave them. It introduces the possibility of a more ‘personal commonground’, a more interesting topic. For example, two people at a party can use the formula to open a conversation. Within a few minutes, they might find that they both are gourmet cooks, work in sales, or love tennis.

Margo – It seems simple enough.

Psylena – There is the added plus, when giving information about yourself, a person then knows something about you, and you seem less like a stranger. So in turn, the other person relaxes, opens up, and shares something too. The information you give is not your life story; it’s a fragment or a tidbit.

However, do not give the person a chance to answer the question before you reveal something about yourself with the tidbit. If there is no tidbit they answer the question and then close down, going about their business. Yet, if they have the tidbit information they will be processing it as they answer the question. This allowing them time to decide if and how they would like to continue on the conversation.

Margo – How easy is this to follow when you are really attracted to someone?

Psylena – This is why I tell my students to practice the formula with every person they meet, potential friendships, business associates, anyone you have not met before. You will not only be comfortable meeting new people, but when the love of your life shows up you won’t freeze in your tracks. It will already be a habit. You won’t be able to stop yourself.

Margo – Sounds full proof!

Psylena – It is an easy formula, a quick way to start a conversation. . It gives you just about everything you need to decide if you want to continue talking. Either party is free to end the conversation. The risk is minimal. In both cases, it has broken down the defensive wall.

These same techniques can be used to strike up conversations in most any scenarios. That’s the beauty of using the formula; it can be a beginning of any type of relationship.

Margo – Well, there you have it. This has been an enlightening conversation. Wrapping up our segment Psylena, would you run through the points once more for our interested viewers?

Psylena – The “Icebreaker” is C + Q + T

You must find a commonground, ask a question, and give a tidbit about yourself.

1. Recognizing a Commonground

2. Engaging in conversation by asking a Question. (Based on the commonground)

3. Lower ones defensive wall by sharing a Tidbit about oneself. (This allows the other person to have something to add to the conversation after answering the question.)

4. Continue the conversation,

5. Create the opportunity to find a more ‘personal commonground’. (the reason to see each other again.)

The best thing about the C + Q + T formula is that it works!

The Bantering SIPPE TEAM

Within this article I will be introducing you to my SIPPE Team through their conversations.  Their names are Spree, Tellie,  Phebe, Psylena and Emmie.  They are different perspectives of myself. ( It makes it a little more colorful.)

                                                                            
Spree                Telle                     Phebe                   Psylena                       Emmie
Spiritual        Intellectual           Physical             Psychological               Emotional

Emmie  (Emotional) – Hey Psylena, how did the interview go this morning?

Psylena (Psychological) – It was good, nothing new. We talked about the formula. It was only a fifteen-minute segment.

Tellie (Intellectual) – I loved the time they had the different psychologist on at the same time. Now that was fun.

Psylena (Psychological) – Yes, It is fun when someone comes from a different point of view than I do. When I don’t agree it is a challenge to find a way of adding my perspective without down playing or disregarding what the other person said. That’s what makes it interesting.

Phebe (Physical) – See any unattached good-looking guys over there?

Psylena (Psychological) – I’m taken, remember?

Phebe (Physical) – Hmm, flirting…we all know what that provocative word means.

You entice someone to make him uncontrollably sway your way.

Psylena (Psychological) – That’s not what it is about!

Phebe (Physical) – A little tease, a little taste of excitement… To let them have a taste of what could be theirs!

Psylena (Psychological) – Stop it!

Phebe (Physical) – Ah! Not too much, not too little, not too fast or too soon! Arouse their curiosity! Give a little, but no more. Stimulate them, make them want it, desire it, crave it!

Psylena (Psychological) – Very funny! That’s what I am trying to get away from.

Emmie (Emotional) – Psylena, She’s only kidding. Actually I wouldn’t mind a little bit of that kind of flirting.

Psylena (Psychological) – You can’t find true love by manipulating others.

Phebe (Physical) – Kill-joy…

Tellie (Intellectual) – Remember the book that came out telling people; once you are getting into a great conversation and it is going well, cut it off and leave so they will have to call you again.

Psylena (Psychological) – Yes, that’s one of the ridiculous manipulation tactics. It doesn’t foster a genuine relationship but encourages game playing.

Spree (Spiritual) – There are many different pieces to a genuine relationship.

Phebe (Physical) – There has to be passion, where sexuality oozes from my being!

Tellie (Intellectual) – Knowing you, it would have to have an element of that.

Emmie (Emotional) – I need the romance. Though, I also need to be silly and just have fun sometimes.

Psylena (Psychological) – I love having someone who understands the intricacies of my nature.

Tellie (Intellectual) – I need a guy with a solid head on his shoulders. Otherwise, it would drive me crazy.

Spree (Spiritual) – Let’s face it, I have to have someone who accepts my unusual ways. Or I would drive him crazy.

Tellie (Intellectual) – Hey Emmie, remember when the formula saved you from a boring Sunday afternoon?

Emmie (Emotional) – Oh yes, I remember. As I was driving to Karen’s wedding shower I was already trying to create a good reason why I would have to leave early. I was deciding on what type of ailment I could come up with. I knew there would be about thirty-five people at the luncheon and the only person I knew was Karen the bride.

I pulled into the hotel parking lot, made it to the front desk for directions and found the right elevator. My stomach was in knots. I felt awkward and out of place. I didn’t enjoy being in a crowded room with strangers. I don’t have a problem when I am in a class; I just play the role I am responsible for. I get caught up in my purpose and I feel fine. This was different.

All of a sudden, as the elevator door opened it hit me. I could use the formula! –commonground, ask a question, give a tidbit. I walked into the room of thirty-five women and started off with my trusty formula in hand.

Four hours later I was not one of the first to leave but last to leave. I had fantastic conversations all throughout the afternoon. It turns out two of the women went to the same high school I did. Two others were in my dance classes over ten years ago. I met a bunch of great people.

The formula was not only my safety-net but also a doorway to meeting so many great people.

Tellie (Intellectual)– What’s this formula you’re talking about and what has it got to do with finding the love of your life, your soulmate?

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